The Search Party

“It was neither preaching nor praying that made a better person of me, but one or two people who believed in me better than I deserved, and I hated to disappoint them.”

Owen Wister, American Writer/Historian
Author of The Virginian

We’ve talked about our individual journeys as private, inward undertakings. We’re traveling together but our thoughts and epiphanies along the way are our own. 

So it might seem paradoxical to spend this week talking about who these people are who take to the paths with us. It’s like this, though: We don’t have to share every struggle we experience and every insight we receive. But if don’t have at least one or two other people to support the very fact that we’re making the journey, we might not have any insights at all. 

As I see it, there are three main reasons for this:

“You don’t have to be anyone at all.”

In one of her poems, Victoria Erikson writes –

Sometimes the easiest way
to find out who you are
is to be around those 
where you don’t have to be anything at all. 
Except you. As you are.
Here. Now.

While our unique destinations will vary, we’re all basically longing to know who we are and what is ours to do in this season of our lives. If we’re having to perform, pretend and portray an image for people, we can’t fulfill that knowledge of our truth. 

We could conceivably get there without the mirror of those who believe in us and our authenticity, but I can’t imagine anything more difficult. It’s like cutting your hair without looking at it. 

The light we carry

Former First Lady Michelle Obama made this the title of her second – and quite powerful – book. She makes the point that if we go into the darkness of our own shadows, we’ll need to carry a light, (I’m paraphrasing) a light that illuminates truth. 

If we go in alone, we’re the only ones who see that truth by the light we carry. It isn’t just ourselves who benefit from having companions along the way. Our fellow pilgrims do as well. And we from them. 

This isn’t just a solitary investigation. It’s a search party.   

I second that emotion

My two fave Sirius XM channels are the 60’s and the 70’s, the music of my coming of age. On the cusp of the latter decade, Smokey Robinson wrote this song – “I Second That Emotion” — and I love it still.

It’s about a sort of ultimatum he’s giving to a girl he wants to have a relationship with. If she just wants a night of kisses, after which she’ll go away and never call – he wants no part of that. But if she feels like giving him a lifetime of devotion, he seconds that emotion. 

That’s how I feel about making a journey, even – or perhaps especially – an inward one. If love is not involved, I’m not interested. 

Any loveless task feels empty. Lonely. Sometimes despairing. Do it with love, in love, for love and suddenly cleaning a toilet isn’t quite so bad. Even if it just means getting that nasty chore done so I can sit down for a glass of wine with my husband. 

This journey does have a solitary aspect, but it isn’t made in complete solitude. Loving companions are essential, the operative word being loving. 

This month’s question: WHO MAKES THIS JOURNEY WITH YOU?

You may already have your traveling buddies. Or you may feel like you’re going solo and it’s not that much fun. More than likely you have friends, family, even some kindred spirits – yet not all of them are the ones with whom you’ll share what you come upon along the way. 

What we’re about this month is truly seeing who those kindred are, week by week, day by day. 

THIS week’s question: What do you long for in such a companion? 

As for me, I am so moved at having all of you as mine. Thank you for reserving your spot on the adventure.