Who Is the Not-You?

“God is not found in the soul by adding anything, but by a process of subtraction.”

Meister Eckhart

Or, in terms more blunt …

“It ain’t what they call you. It’s what you answer to.”

   W.C. Fields

If both a 14^th Century mystic/prophet/philosopher/preacher theologian and a 20^th Century actor/comedian, juggler/writer both said it, there must be a universal truth in there.

If we’re to truly know who we are, we would do well to discover who we are not.

This month as we continue our journey, we’re focusing on who it is that makes this journey. Not the outer selves who identify as mothers, fathers, daughter, sons, tax accountants, fantasy writers, teachers, pickle ball fanatics or connoisseurs of high end popcorn. We’re exploring the inner people, the ones originally created.

(I need to insert a footnote here: I think “original sin” is a human concept. We were made by God as immortal diamonds. The sin –i.e. separation from God — happens when we all try to cope. That takes care of resistance to discovering somebody inside you who might be “bad.” Not gonna happen.)

Now, where were we? Oh, yes! This search can be nothing but freeing and fun and full of oh-I-get-it moments. I mean, what feels better than shedding stuff so you can move and dance and fly?

Start with the loose stuff

The best part of preparing to paint something that needed it two years ago is scraping off the stuff that’s already peeling. Just one push with your little trowel thingie and it comes right off. It’s satisfying, right?

To get to the core of you, why not begin by removing what is glaringly, obviously, definitely not you?

It’s the behavior that makes you cringe after a party because you know you were doing that old thing again – hiding in the kitchen to avoid interacting, talking 900 miles an hour because you’re scared of awkward silence, having a second glass of wine because your ex is there, and they’re making you feel stupid, and then you act stupid because … second glass of wine.

It’s the things you do because they’re expected of you but that make you feel like you’re wearing your big sister’s clothes. Or your little brother’s. In years past, I hated playing volleyball or ping pong or badminton at outdoor parties (still do!) and got out there and did it because otherwise I’d be called a party pooper (trust me – it happened. You might host holiday dinners because your parents did, all the while enduring anxiety attacks because quite frankly you detest cooking. Or you show up for every church event and committee meeting, as not to be rendered a not-very-committed Christian, even as you wish you could meditate by a lake and volunteer at a food bank instead.

It’s the job that keeps you miserable. The people you socialize with who drive you up the crazy tree. The Bible study that has become dry or shallow. The well-intentioned work-outs at the gym that make you feel unco-ordinated and fat and completely lacking in trendy active wear.

That’s the first layer that peels after a sunburn. The big pieces of wallpaper you can just rip right off. The loose skin of the onion that floats away. As soon as you give it a shake, the not-you is staring you in the face.

And it’s saying, “Please help me.”

Walking Away

In her fascinating blog, “Twelve Odd Months,” Alexis Gavrelis writes, “I am learning to love the sound of my feet walking away from things not meant for me.”

I don’t think she’s suggesting it’s easy to quit a job or close out a career or end a friendship or leave a church. I personally am not saying you have to. There are many small ways to shed what might be a thing, but isn’t a you-thing. We’ll talk about those in our Facebook posts this week.

Just know for now that a real life, a God-life, doesn’t require that you wear clothes that don’t fit you. Literally or figuratively. We can begin to take them off only when we recognize the masks, the costumes, the roles that aren’t right for us.

This Week’s Question:

What is one not-you thing (though feel free to make a list if you want!) that you can clearly see and would like to be rid of?

Me? I’ve been peeling off layers for a long time. I’m down to the things that used to be me and no longer are. The image of the successful writer. Identifying as having it all together. And wearing mauve. It’s just not my color!